Enter Laughter

At last, the flu bug has been beaten into submission here. Family members are back to work and school, and I am going to go sleep for 6 hours to recover myself - LOL Valentine’s Day is THREE WEEKS from TODAY! (All the male readers experience temporary blindness - LOL) I’ve decorated the ol’ blog - added a countdown (I will send the code to anyone who wants it) changed the banner and colors a bit (still tweaking the colors some, it’s hard to find colors that look good and provide enough contrast to show up well.) WIN FREE CANDY! Send in your best Valentine joke, and I will compile them into a post each Friday for a contest, and ask readers to vote for their favorite. You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here : Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17. I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates! Here’s one to get you started: A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. Aft

Well, I did a dumb thing. Again. Duh - LOL Everyone here is still suffering through cold and flu symptoms. Thank you all for your kind comments and good wishes. I needed to go out and get more medications (Do they sell Nyquil in gallon jugs? LOL) It was hideously cold and windy, and my car was almost out of gasoline. Grumpily, I got out to pump it, shivering, my hands shaking. I jammed the nozzle in and turned my face away from the car because the wind was beating my hair into my face. I squeezed the trigger, latching it into the lock position, so I could put my freezing hands into my pockets and something didn’t sound right. I turned back and gasoline was spewing in every direction! I hadn’t gotten the nozzle seated properly, and instead of going into the tank, it was ricocheting back out, spraying all over me. I was drenched by the time I got it shut off, but then I had to stand there dripping, shivering and hoping I wasn't shaking enough to create a friction fire, put the

Everyone here is sick with the flu. Not bird flu, unless you count the fact that they are driving me cuckoo - LOL All home, all fussy. Welcome to Sneezy Town. Coughedy Central. Extreme Acheover. Will return at some point, when Saturday Night Fever subsides. LOL

Well duh on me - LOL Took the day off from the internet yesterday to spend time with family. Stupid family! LOL (Just kidding) But it did cause me to miss one of the biggest honors yet for this blog - being named to the Blog Herald’s " 100 Blogs in 100 Days " list! I am speechless (which you know is a rarity - LOL) I would like to thank The Blog Herald for naming me, I am genuinely flattered and honored. Please swing by there and let him know this wasn't a huge mistake - LOL! Because I am too verklempt to say anything witty, I will reprint one of my favorite blog posts, from July 29, 2005, my birthday: DMV or Diarrheal Mahatma Voodoo Only in America could a severely flatulent white woman, a nice gentleman from India, and his Haitian wife meet in the line at a Department of Motor Vehicles office, and bond. Still suffering The War of the Bowels, I was feelin' mighty poorly, and the last thing I EVER want to do, (much less when I am suffering from diarrhea) i

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Acceptance Speech, on the occasion of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, December 10, 1964 I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today's motor bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent re

I have ugly feet. Really ugly. Scare small children ugly. Cause blindness in extreme cases ugly. Fugly Feet. fugly: ADJECTIVE: Inflected forms: fug·li·er, fug·li·est Vulgar Slang - Very ugly. ETYMOLOGY: Shortening of f*cking ugly. My second toes are longer than my big toes. My little toes are misshapen triangles, having spent their entire lives trying to hide under the toe they are next to. Both feet have multiple scars. Some are from breaking both ankles twice. The first time, when I was six, I broke them at the same time. Boy, wasn’t THAT a fun summer - LOL Third and fourth times around were spaced apart, but each break required surgical repair, resulting in several metal objects being implanted to stabilize the multiple fractures. This left each ankle with three scars, on the front and both sides, and made getting through airport security as much fun as having a passport that says my name is Marti al-Zawahri - LOL Some are from going barefoot every summer since I was born. By

Today is Friday the 13th. (All months whose first day falls on a Sunday will contain a Friday the 13.) Are you superstitious? I’m starting to be, as my hard drive is making a very strange noise. If you don’t hear from me again any time soon, you’ll know what happened. LOL I personally believe it is bad luck to walk under a black cat - LOL Busy, busy day scheduled, so I am just doing some reprints and links today - sorry - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Paraskevidekatriaphobia. That’s the proper term for the fear of Friday the 13th. OK, all together now, pah-ras-ke-vey-de-kah-tri-ah-fo-bi-ya. It is such a well-known phobia that there is even to be a Paraskavedekatriaphobia Clinic as part of the Change That’s Right Now Phobia Clinic. The clinic’s own literature on the Internet claims, "Our practitioners will teach you to regain control of your emotions and conquer your Paraskavedekatriaphobia. Working with us, you'll rapidly tra

I know you’re out there! Allie allie in free! LOL It’s De-Lurking Week! OK, the week is four sevenths over, so I’m a little behind - LOL Saw this at Theresa’s blog: Psst. Hey you! Yeah, you, the lurker in the back! Come here a second. It’s De-lurking Week around these parts. Did you know that? It looks like it was started by Sheryl at Paper Napkin: This is the week you've been waiting for! Or not! De-lurking week! Last year we just had a measly 24 hours, and if you were stuck in a meeting, or your server crashed, or you live on the other side of the world, you missed it (booo). Plus your fingers may have become numb from all the typing you tried to cram in 24 hours. So this year we're giving you a whole week to come out of the closet (so to speak). Soooo.... If you read this blog, but don’t comment, PLEASE pleasepleaseplease do! Be brave! Be bold! Have your say! (Even if it’s just "hi" LOL) (Regular posters welcome to comment too - LOL!) - - - - - - - - - -

I’ve been hit! Ahhhugh! (Imagine melodramatic clutching of chest followed by much groaning and slow-motion falling to floor, with big finish of raising hand shakily before that last dying gasp) LOL Ribbiticus over at Pond Perspective has tagged me with a meme. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The rules/procedures are as follows: The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits of yourself," and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says, "You are tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Here are mine: 1. I use ungodly amounts of sugar in my coffee. I have a giant cup, and I put (gasp) EIGHT spoonfuls of sugar in it. No cream though - LOL 2. I make

It’s raining. No, it’s snowing. No, snow doesn’t bounce when it hits something. It’s sleeting! Took the boy to work up at McDonald’s because neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night shall keep the burgers from their appointed pounds LOL Road conditions are deteriorating. Steep hill coming back home proved daunting, particularly for the not-so-hot-shot in a pickup truck in front of me, who had been behind me when we rounded the corner at the intersection down in town. A corner I took at a reasonable speed because I could feel the rear wheels spinning. A corner I saw him (in my rear-view mirror) slide sideways around. Once we were both travelling southwards, he decided to pass me. On a slick two-lane road. Covering my car with a spray of road slime. Fine, I’d rather have a lunatic driver in front of me, where I can keep an eye on him - LOL He barreled around me, no doubt feeling pretty smug. Then we reached the hill. About a third of the way up, he started fishtailing.

These are excuse notes from parents collected by schools from all over the country: 1) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 2) Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 3) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 4) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 5) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 6) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [Words in ( )'s were crossed out.] 7) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 8) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 9) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 10) Sally won't be in school a week from Frida

The other day, Husband came home from work and said, "There’s a bunch of Smurfs down by the mailbox". Now there’s one you don’t hear every day - LOL Were we under attack by an army of cartoon characters? Would we soon be overrun by Powerpuff Girls and Transformers? Was Sponge Bob Square Pants heading up the driveway wielding an Uzi? I requested he elaborate. "I don’t know what they are. There’s a bunch of these little toys on the ground all around the post." On the ground, eh? Ah! Already mowed down by our anti-animation home security device! (Wipes brow in relief - and they all laughed when we bought it) LOL Well, I had to go see. It was an odd sight. There were three of these: Click to enlarge. Use back button to return Lying there like drunken sailors, they were. Once I stopped laughing, I picked them up and brought them back to the house. I questioned the kids, both of whom disavowed any knowledge whatsoever of ever having seen these or knowing anyt

Today is Eldest Son's birthday. Happy Birthday sweatie ! (His fiancée’s nickname for him, after they laughed together upon seeing a misspelled graffiti proclaiming, "I love you sweatheart" LOL) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. Things I've learned from my children: 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four

What day of the week is it again? Courtesy of the mind of Salvador Dali Ever since the "Big Break" during which Daughter had two solid weeks off, Husband had several "comp days" to take, and even French Fry boy’s Mickey D schedule was all out of whack, I’ve lost track of time. And I was doing so well with Earth time. Snarkles. (Oops...it is against the aliens-posing-as-humans rules to mention the whole aliens-posing-as-humans thing. Better watch myself more closely, or the Illuminati will be all over me. LOL) I’ve been sleeping and waking at odd hours. I’ve sent friends letters that make no sense. I’ve been saying inappropriate things. If I said anything to anyone that they found offensive, I apologize. I may not have meant it - LOL I’ve become paranoid (snaps head sharply towards door LOL). Yesterday, I was at my breaking point, and decided to take a rare afternoon nap. Slept like a stone. Husband came in and fell asleep too. When I awoke it was dark and

Do you find blogging cathartic? In other words, if you write about an emotional event, does it help you come to terms with it? (Or make you want to go find intoxicants? LOL) Does reading about other bloggers’ experiences help you sort out your own problems/hangups/let-downs/worries? (Or make you want to go find intoxicants? LOL) I know a LOT of you bloggers are writing a novel (individually of course...it’s not like there is a giant room somewhere that a bunch of bloggers gather in, and attempt to produce a manuscript, although that might be pretty funny LOL) So tell me, when you are writing a sad, depressing, or angry scene, do you get sad/angry/depressed? It’s necessary to get into the mind of your fictional character to effectively write their words and actions, and I find myself getting caught up in it - LOL I am at a point in my unfinished novel where my main character has been betrayed, and I tell ya, I am paranoid about everything now - LOL I look at the grocery clerks susp

With the upcoming nuptials , I am attempting to "get healthy" ( code for lose weight/get in shape/make my skin look younger LOL ). I know that drinking lots of water is a good thing. It fills up the tummy, hydrates the body, and provides exercise with those every-twenty-minutes trips to the restroom. (I jog on the way - LOL) So away I go with the H 2 O - LOL! ******** Please pardon my early morning rant, Blogger is all better now ( had to slap it around a bit - LOL ) I realize this is a free service. I also realize that it provided by the uber-mega-gazillionaires who own Google. This is not some Mom and Pop operation, financed by selling empty aluminum cans to the recycler. LOL And we’re not talking about first year DeVry students either. These guys have money coming out their sweat glands and enough technical knowledge to map the entire friggin’ earth. So can’t you boys make sure that Blogger works properly? {{Clears throat}} Rant over. LOL UPDATE - Rant NOT over. You horn

Argh. I am trying to update the template here, since this is January 3, it seems a bit hung over to have a banner proclaiming "Happy New Year!" Well, things AIN'T so happy here, as I am getting an error message (which is right up there with spam on the "Fun Things To Get On My Blog" list). I do not speak geek. I do not know what "001 java.io.IOException: " is, or what it means, other than it is 5 AM and having it smack me awake is less than pleasant. So I will see if it will accept THIS post. *************** A wiesguy, huh? New error message = 001 java.io.IOException: No space left on deviceblog I don't know what that means either. Are you just making fun of my ignorance? I'm going for coffee now. I'm not looking Blogger, so if you need to put something back, or fix a mistake you are ashamed to admit, do it now. I won't tell.

So here it is. 2006. Thank you to all the commenters, who came back by. It was great to see you again. Door’s always open, pop in anytime. Happy Birthday to "Enter the Laughter". ETL: {{Blog looks back at me, bleary-eyed, after a weekend of hearty partying}} "Not so loud. I’m mad at you. You didn’t talk to me every day. You didn’t give me much to wear - three or four different skins in an entire YEAR? And that first one - geez everybody in the blogosphere was wearing THAT!" {{Sniffles haughtily. . . shivers at the memory of Blogger Scribe theme. . .coughs up some old feed}} Me: Sorry, I didn’t know how to do any of that when I started. ETL: "I expect more out of you this year, ya hear me? Nothing lame either! I want fun! I want entertainment! Go read some of those blogs that won awards! Did I win any awards? Was I even NOMINATED? NO! And it’s your fault !" {{Spits a sidebar link at me}} "You’ve got to work it girl!" {{Shakes banner booty