Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Valentine Daze

Be My Valentine At last, the flu bug has been beaten into submission here. Family members are back to work and school, and I am going to go sleep for 6 hours to recover myself - LOL
Valentine’s Day is THREE WEEKS from TODAY! (All the male readers experience temporary blindness - LOL)
I’ve decorated the ol’ blog - added a countdown (I will send the code to anyone who wants it) changed the banner and colors a bit (still tweaking the colors some, it’s hard to find colors that look good and provide enough contrast to show up well.)
WIN FREE CANDY! Russell Stover Chocolates Send in your best Valentine joke, and I will compile them into a post each Friday for a contest, and ask readers to vote for their favorite. You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here:
Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17. I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates!
Here’s one to get you started:
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
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Sunday, January 22, 2006

Gas Guzzler

Well, I did a dumb thing. Again. Duh - LOL Everyone here is still suffering through cold and flu symptoms. Thank you all for your kind comments and good wishes. I needed to go out and get more medications (Do they sell Nyquil in gallon jugs? LOL) It was hideously cold and windy, and my car was almost out of gasoline. Grumpily, I got out to pump it, shivering, my hands shaking. I jammed the nozzle in and turned my face away from the car because the wind was beating my hair into my face. I squeezed the trigger, latching it into the lock position, so I could put my freezing hands into my pockets and something didn’t sound right. I turned back and gasoline was spewing in every direction! I hadn’t gotten the nozzle seated properly, and instead of going into the tank, it was ricocheting back out, spraying all over me. I was drenched by the time I got it shut off, but then I had to stand there dripping, shivering and hoping I wasn't shaking enough to create a friction fire, put the nozzle in the right way, and fill the tank. I drove home with the window down because the stench was about to knock me out. (Why couldn’t my nose have STAYED stopped up? LOL) I got inside, threw my coat, clothes and shoes in a trash bag, and tossed it out on the front porch, (naked - thank gawd we live WAY out in the country LOL). I slammed the front door shut and glanced out through the glass to see all of the curious cats run over to the bag, start to sniff, then jerk away in disgust! LOL I headed in to take a long, hot bath and wash my hair, and French Fry Boy called out, “Did you get the medicine?” HE is the one who left the car with almost no gasoline in it. I opened his door just a crack (naked and gasoline drenched) stuck my head in and shot him the death-ray laser look, which I’m sure was confusing to his already fevered mind LOL He looked so pitiful lying there sick though, I didn’t say anything. He’s lucky I don’t believe in capital punishment though - LOL

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Family Flued

Everyone here is sick with the flu. Not bird flu, unless you count the fact that they are driving me cuckoo - LOL All home, all fussy. Welcome to Sneezy Town. Coughedy Central. Extreme Acheover. Will return at some point, when Saturday Night Fever subsides. LOL

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Enter the Laughter Named to Blog Herald List

Well duh on me - LOL Took the day off from the internet yesterday to spend time with family. Stupid family! LOL (Just kidding) But it did cause me to miss one of the biggest honors yet for this blog - being named to the Blog Herald’s "100 Blogs in 100 Days" list! I am speechless (which you know is a rarity - LOL) I would like to thank The Blog Herald for naming me, I am genuinely flattered and honored. Please swing by there and let him know this wasn't a huge mistake - LOL! Because I am too verklempt to say anything witty, I will reprint one of my favorite blog posts, from July 29, 2005, my birthday: DMV or Diarrheal Mahatma Voodoo Only in America could a severely flatulent white woman, a nice gentleman from India, and his Haitian wife meet in the line at a Department of Motor Vehicles office, and bond. Still suffering The War of the Bowels, I was feelin' mighty poorly, and the last thing I EVER want to do, (much less when I am suffering from diarrhea) is go to the DMV. But the new Neon had to have the taxes paid and the license purchased, because Husband must commute from the farm through a nearby small town, and the fine upstanding officers who may read this so I am not about to say anything bad about them, do tend to look for those minor infractions like one mile over the speed limit, or two minutes past the expiration of your tags. So, while Husband was sympathetic to my plight, he requested that if it were humanly possible, he wanted me to go take care of the nasty business. And nasty it was. I packed up my troubles (and Kaopectate) in my ol' kit bag (along with all of the necessary paperwork) and biled, biled, biled. The line snaked around in a zigzag pattern, disguising how long it really was. Sneaky bastards. An exotic couple were last in line when I entered the building, and were muttering to one another in accented English, about the pitiful lack of available office workers and the wife's desire to put a hex on the clerks who disappeared through a side door never to be seen again. I stepped into the space behind them and promptly passed gas. They turned, I blushed, and apologized. It was the first of many such moments. My gut ached and cramped. The line never seemed to move forward, but other weary applicants lengthened the queue. The couple in front of me turned again when an involuntary moan escaped my lips. "You sound berry bad," the kindly gentleman from India said. I nodded. Motioning to the slow-moving line and group of folks who continued to pour into the building, he asked, "is it always this crowded?" You know you're in a bad situation when a Calcutta native thinks the place is crowded. I nodded again, afraid to open my mouth, fearing a sulfurous belch might escape and combust, the room was so hot. An old man several spaces ahead of us was pretty clever. He had retrieved a chair from the hallway, and sat in it in line. Every so often, he would abruptly stand up and spout random epitaphs to no one in particular. After his pronouncement, he would sit back down, and doze off for a while. I conversed with the couple, who explained they had met in a community college class. They were very nice, and held my spot for me when I felt something heavier than gas about to escape, and dashed to the toilet. When the old man took his turn with the clerk, the nice gentleman from India retrieved his chair for me. Finally, I was able to shuffle off to beefalo. That is not a typo, it is a product sold at my next stop, the nearby meat store. It a cross between beef cattle and buffalo, high in protein, low in fat, and amusing to imagine being conceived. I drive past the buffalo ranch if I take the gravel road into town, and they are magnificent beasts to behold, but for some reason, picturing one of them fornicating with Elsie the cow, just makes me giggle. I feel a little better today, and plan to sit back and chill, 'cause it's my birthday! Best wishes to all who read!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Acceptance Speech,

on the occasion of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, December 10, 1964

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant. I believe that even amid today's motor bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow.

I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men. I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits.

I believe that what self-centered men have torn down men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive good will proclaimed the rule of the land.

"And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid." I still believe that We Shall overcome! Complete text

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Fugly Feet

I have ugly feet. Really ugly. Scare small children ugly. Cause blindness in extreme cases ugly. Fugly Feet. fugly: ADJECTIVE: Inflected forms: fug·li·er, fug·li·est Vulgar Slang - Very ugly. ETYMOLOGY: Shortening of f*cking ugly. My second toes are longer than my big toes. My little toes are misshapen triangles, having spent their entire lives trying to hide under the toe they are next to. Both feet have multiple scars. Some are from breaking both ankles twice. The first time, when I was six, I broke them at the same time. Boy, wasn’t THAT a fun summer - LOL Third and fourth times around were spaced apart, but each break required surgical repair, resulting in several metal objects being implanted to stabilize the multiple fractures. This left each ankle with three scars, on the front and both sides, and made getting through airport security as much fun as having a passport that says my name is Marti al-Zawahri - LOL Some are from going barefoot every summer since I was born. By mid-July, I can walk over gravel and hot asphalt. If only there was big money in such a talent - LOL I’ve dropped things on them. Lots of things. Heavy things. Sharp things. Then there are the things that go bum in the night. That’s always me...smashing into a chair leg, a door I thought was open, or an errant vampire (Vampires hate being startled by having a klutz bump into them in the middle of the night LOL) So? So yesterday was Friday the 13th. Despite the wretched luck I’ve had all my life, I am not an extremely superstitious person. Oh sure, I would exercise the normal amount of caution - not opening an umbrella under mirrored horseshoes, but nothing truly foolish LOL Until I put on my shoes. Why, oh why (she cried out in hind-sighted anguish) didn’t I shake them? I almost ALWAYS shake my shoes out before putting them on, after hearing Husband’s tale of his time in the tropics, when he slipped his foot into a shoe that was occupied by a scorpion. But alas, yesterday, I did not. And inside the shoe was a spider. And not the itsy-bitsy spider that climbs up the waterspout, but a big, mean pissed-off brown recluse, which attacked my big toe, upon its intrusion into Spidey’s hideout. I felt the sting of the bite and yanked the shoe off, as a large red welt instantly appeared atop my toe. I shook out the shoe, and Spidey went a-runnin’. Briefly. Then said shoe met Spidey, rather forcefully, and Spidey went to that great web in the sky. Because we live in the woods, I’ve been bitten by many a brown recluse, and only required medical attention the first dozen times or so, until I built up sufficient immunity. By now, I imagine I am toxic to them LOL And so, I spent the rest of the day shoeless and swollen. There is great improvement today, and the welt has reduced to a small, blistery bump. Like all brown recluse bites, it will leave a sunken divot in the skin. One more bit-o-ugly. LOL The moral of this story is: It may be fun to shake your booty, but if you don’t want swollen toes, shake your shoes.

Friday, January 13, 2006


Today is Friday the 13th. (All months whose first day falls on a Sunday will contain a Friday the 13.) Are you superstitious? I’m starting to be, as my hard drive is making a very strange noise. If you don’t hear from me again any time soon, you’ll know what happened. LOL I personally believe it is bad luck to walk under a black cat - LOL Busy, busy day scheduled, so I am just doing some reprints and links today - sorry - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Paraskevidekatriaphobia. That’s the proper term for the fear of Friday the 13th. OK, all together now, pah-ras-ke-vey-de-kah-tri-ah-fo-bi-ya. It is such a well-known phobia that there is even to be a Paraskavedekatriaphobia Clinic as part of the Change That’s Right Now Phobia Clinic. The clinic’s own literature on the Internet claims, "Our practitioners will teach you to regain control of your emotions and conquer your Paraskavedekatriaphobia. Working with us, you'll rapidly train your unconscious mind to connect different, positive feelings to the stimuli that triggers the phobia." The much, much simpler word, "triskaidekaphobia" refers only to a fear of the number 13. Ever wonder why hotels and other high-rise buildings go straight from the 12th floor to the 14th floor? It’s because the number 13 is a widely accepted unlucky one. But why the link to Friday? There are multiple legends and stories. The most common is that the Last Supper before Jesus Christ’s death, which, including Jesus, had 13 people at the table; and then Jesus was crucified on a Friday, which has come to be known Good Friday. An ancient Viking legend tells a story of 12 Norse gods preparing to partake in a feast in the Norse "heaven" of Valhalla. A 13th god, Loki, obviously a bit displeased at not being included, broke into the feast and killed fellow deity Balder. In Spanish-speaking cultures, when the 13th falls on a Tuesday, that is considered the unlucky tandem. Legend says it bodes ill to begin a journey, or most notably, a marriage, on a Tuesday the 13th. Whatever the rationale, the impact is actually measurable. The Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, N.C., says each Friday the 13th sees an approximate $800-$900 million of business revenue lost around the nation. People who won’t drive, won’t go into work, won’t go out in public, or won’t take any other risks account for those losses. According to the Paraskavedekatriaphobia Clinic, the cause of the Fear of Friday the 13th likely spawns from someone’s experiences, or even witnessing someone else’s experiences, with a traumatic event which happens to take place or be linked with a Friday the 13th. Someone’s unconscious mind then attaches emotions and safeguards to that date in order to feel safe. For those who aren’t themselves because of paraskavedekatriaphobia, after today, 2006 will have only one more Friday the 13th, in October. Source - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I found a pretty amusing page full of strange superstitions - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Even the rich, famous and infamous are not immune to the power of 13. Adolf Hitler, Victor Hugo and Stephen King are all reputed to have had a fear of 13. Friday the 13th Superstitions * IF a woman has a birthday on Friday 13 she will marry and have a child within the year. * IT is unlucky to be married on the 13th. * IF a funeral procession passes a person on Friday 13 he or she will be condemned to death. * DON'T go out at night on Friday 13 or you'll have convulsions that night. * DON'T sit 13 people at a table on Friday 13, one will become seriously ill. * DON'T cut your hair on Friday 13 or someone in your family will die. * DON'T wear black on Friday 13 or you'll soon wear it again in mourning. * IF a child is born on Friday 13 he will be unlucky all his life. * A CHILD born on Friday 13 will have a short life. * A CHILD born on Friday 13 must carry a rabbit's foot from an animal killed at midnight by a cross-eyed farmer. Otherwise the child will bring bad luck to the family. Superstitious Behavior * THROW salt over your shoulder if you spill it. * CROSSED knives at a table mean a quarrel. * BREAKING a mirror brings seven years' bad luck. * DON'T put new shoes on a table. * A WILD bird in the house means a death in the family. * A PAINTING which falls off the wall for no apparent reason means a death in the family. * BAD luck comes in threes. * YOU should never give anyone a new purse without putting a coin in it first - and they'll never be poor. * DON'T put an umbrella up indoors. * A BLACK cat crossing your path is good luck or bad luck - depending on where you live. * MAGPIES can be considered unlucky - the rhyme goes "one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told". * TOUCH your collar if you see an ambulance. * SAY "rabbits, rabbits, rabbits" for luck when you first get up on the morning of the first of each month. Source

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Invisible Lurkers! It's De-Lurking Week

I know you’re out there! Allie allie in free! LOL

It’s De-Lurking Week! OK, the week is four sevenths over, so I’m a little behind - LOL Saw this at Theresa’s blog: Psst. Hey you! Yeah, you, the lurker in the back! Come here a second. It’s De-lurking Week around these parts. Did you know that? It looks like it was started by Sheryl at Paper Napkin: This is the week you've been waiting for! Or not! De-lurking week! Last year we just had a measly 24 hours, and if you were stuck in a meeting, or your server crashed, or you live on the other side of the world, you missed it (booo). Plus your fingers may have become numb from all the typing you tried to cram in 24 hours. So this year we're giving you a whole week to come out of the closet (so to speak).

Soooo.... If you read this blog, but don’t comment, PLEASE pleasepleaseplease do!

Be brave! Be bold! Have your say! (Even if it’s just "hi" LOL)

(Regular posters welcome to comment too - LOL!)

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At Blog Explosion, they have a blog rental program, and this week (again I am slightly tardy, my apologies) I am renting space at Motherhood Uncensored.

She’s great, going through the same things all mothers go through, dealing with the lack of sleep, body changes, finding ways to entertain a toddler that doesn’t include chainsaws or barbiturates LOL

So stop by and give her a read. Tell her Marti sent you, so she’ll be indebted to me LOL (snort - just kidding)

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The sun is shining today! It is supposed to warm up into the 50’s, so I am going to get out and enjoy it! Have a great day everyone!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Tag Time

I’ve been hit! Ahhhugh! (Imagine melodramatic clutching of chest followed by much groaning and slow-motion falling to floor, with big finish of raising hand shakily before that last dying gasp) LOL Ribbiticus over at Pond Perspective has tagged me with a meme. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - The rules/procedures are as follows: The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits of yourself," and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals. Don't forget to leave a comment in their blog or journal that says, "You are tagged" (assuming they take comments) and tell them to read yours. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Here are mine: 1. I use ungodly amounts of sugar in my coffee. I have a giant cup, and I put (gasp) EIGHT spoonfuls of sugar in it. No cream though - LOL 2. I make all the dollar bills in my wallet face the same way LOL If I get change from someplace, I will not make the people in line behind me wait, but when I get to the car, I will pull all of the paper money out, arrange them all facing the same way (and upright, with their heads not upside down LOL) and in incremental order, smallest denominations at the front. 3. I don’t like clowns - they creep me out - LOL 4. I don’t like squishy vegetables. Peas disgust me and they haven’t printed enough money to get me to eat a lima bean - LOL 5. I adore the Sunday paper. I read almost every section. I only read a paper once a week, so I make the most of it - LOL OK. Yeah, I know, kinda crazy. (Crowd murmurs, "kinda???") LOL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - My choices to pass this on to are: 1. Booklvr = Books and Random Thoughts 2. Sudiegirl = Musings of a Chick 3. Michael = It Occurred to Me 4. Rocky = Rocky Road Scholar 5. Colleen =Musings From the Edge Best wishes to all!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Holy Sleet!

It’s raining. No, it’s snowing. No, snow doesn’t bounce when it hits something. It’s sleeting! Took the boy to work up at McDonald’s because neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor dark of night shall keep the burgers from their appointed pounds LOL Road conditions are deteriorating. Steep hill coming back home proved daunting, particularly for the not-so-hot-shot in a pickup truck in front of me, who had been behind me when we rounded the corner at the intersection down in town. A corner I took at a reasonable speed because I could feel the rear wheels spinning. A corner I saw him (in my rear-view mirror) slide sideways around. Once we were both travelling southwards, he decided to pass me. On a slick two-lane road. Covering my car with a spray of road slime. Fine, I’d rather have a lunatic driver in front of me, where I can keep an eye on him - LOL He barreled around me, no doubt feeling pretty smug. Then we reached the hill. About a third of the way up, he started fishtailing. His rear tires were plowing into the asphalt, spewing an arc of slush behind him, yet his speed continued to diminish. I had allowed a fair amount of distance to build up between us, so I watched, bemused, from a distance. Two thirds of the way up, he was doomed. He couldn’t make it, and his truck ceased all forward motion. Fortunately, there were no other vehicles on the road, so while he sat there pounding his hands on the steering wheel and gunning his engine, my driving-at-a-reasonable-speed-for-the-conditions self cruised past him. (snicker) Icicles are starting to form on the wrought iron park bench out in the yard, and it looks really neat, but you'll just have to take my word for it, 'cause there ain't no way I am goin' out there to take a picture, sorry. LOL The metal forms the shape of an angel though, so I guess that makes this (get ready to groan)...Holy Sleet!
When I started this blog, I called it "DigitalDoorway", because that is my domain name, and my ID at E-Bay and Amazon. I tacked on "Enter the Laughter" because this place is supposed to be amusing LOL I am shortening it to just "Enter the Laughter" because it more accurately reflects what this place is about, and it is easier to type LOL I changed the title in the banner photo and page code, and I am trying to make the changes at link-y places like BlogRoll LOL If you have links to me (please God, let someone have links to me LOL) please shorten the name to Enter the Laughter. Thanks!

Monday, January 09, 2006


These are excuse notes from parents collected by schools from all over the country: 1) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 2) Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 3) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. 4) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. 5) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 6) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [Words in ( )'s were crossed out.] 7) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 8) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 9) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. 10) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. 11) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 12) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Too Weird for Words

The other day, Husband came home from work and said, "There’s a bunch of Smurfs down by the mailbox". Now there’s one you don’t hear every day - LOL Were we under attack by an army of cartoon characters? Would we soon be overrun by Powerpuff Girls and Transformers? Was Sponge Bob Square Pants heading up the driveway wielding an Uzi? I requested he elaborate. "I don’t know what they are. There’s a bunch of these little toys on the ground all around the post." On the ground, eh? Ah! Already mowed down by our anti-animation home security device! (Wipes brow in relief - and they all laughed when we bought it) LOL Well, I had to go see. It was an odd sight. There were three of these:
Click to enlarge. Use back button to return

Lying there like drunken sailors, they were. Once I stopped laughing, I picked them up and brought them back to the house.

I questioned the kids, both of whom disavowed any knowledge whatsoever of ever having seen these or knowing anything about them.

So it remains a mystery.

They’re not Smurfs. They say "Mr. Bubble" on them, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what that weird thing on his side is. LOL

I stuck one on top of my monitor because it makes me giggle every time I look at it.

If they are wanted by the law, let me know. Especially if there’s a reward - LOL

Friday, January 06, 2006


Today is Eldest Son's birthday. Happy Birthday sweatie! (His fiancée’s nickname for him, after they laughed together upon seeing a misspelled graffiti proclaiming, "I love you sweatheart" LOL) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. Things I've learned from my children: 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20-ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

One of Those Days

What day of the week is it again?
Courtesy of the mind of Salvador Dali
Ever since the "Big Break" during which Daughter had two solid weeks off, Husband had several "comp days" to take, and even French Fry boy’s Mickey D schedule was all out of whack, I’ve lost track of time. And I was doing so well with Earth time. Snarkles. (Oops...it is against the aliens-posing-as-humans rules to mention the whole aliens-posing-as-humans thing. Better watch myself more closely, or the Illuminati will be all over me. LOL) I’ve been sleeping and waking at odd hours. I’ve sent friends letters that make no sense. I’ve been saying inappropriate things. If I said anything to anyone that they found offensive, I apologize. I may not have meant it - LOL I’ve become paranoid (snaps head sharply towards door LOL). Yesterday, I was at my breaking point, and decided to take a rare afternoon nap. Slept like a stone. Husband came in and fell asleep too. When I awoke it was dark and my bladder was ready to burst. I scurried (as much as a woman who has broken both lower legs twice and has matching metal ankles, can "scurry" LOL) to the adjacent bathroom. I left the light off, as I assumed it was the middle of the night and we all know it is easier to go back to bed and fall back asleep if we don’t turn the light on. Another one of those dumb "human rules" LOL As I sat rubbing my eyes, I glanced out at the glowing red digits of the alarm clock on the head of the bed. 6:50. I frowned. Why was husband still here? He usually leaves for work before now. I called out, "Don’t you have to work today?" He awoke with a start. "Wha...?" I repeated, "Don’t you have to work today?" He replied, "I’ve already BEEN to work today." I frowned again, until the light slowly dawned (on me, not outside LOL) Oh gawd. They’ve messed with the space/time continuum again. No wait, that’s not scheduled until...ooops, never mind. No, it was something else. More function slowly returned to my brain, and I realized it was not morning. I’d been sleeping for about 2 hours - LOL So now I’m up again. I think it’s morning in America. No wait, that was with Ronald Reagan back in the 80’s. I love the 80’s. And rock and roll. And twins. No wait...am I going off on a tangent again? (Glances at tangent meter, needle is in red, and the chip in my neck is getting warm.) We’re in big trouble now LOL

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


Do you find blogging cathartic? In other words, if you write about an emotional event, does it help you come to terms with it? (Or make you want to go find intoxicants? LOL) Does reading about other bloggers’ experiences help you sort out your own problems/hangups/let-downs/worries? (Or make you want to go find intoxicants? LOL) I know a LOT of you bloggers are writing a novel (individually of course...it’s not like there is a giant room somewhere that a bunch of bloggers gather in, and attempt to produce a manuscript, although that might be pretty funny LOL) So tell me, when you are writing a sad, depressing, or angry scene, do you get sad/angry/depressed? It’s necessary to get into the mind of your fictional character to effectively write their words and actions, and I find myself getting caught up in it - LOL I am at a point in my unfinished novel where my main character has been betrayed, and I tell ya, I am paranoid about everything now - LOL I look at the grocery clerks suspiciously, wondering if they are out to somehow stab me in the back! So tell me (please please please please please LOL) does this happen to other writers? Does writing your novel affect your blogging, or vice versa?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Water Into Whine

With the upcoming nuptials, I am attempting to "get healthy" (code for lose weight/get in shape/make my skin look younger LOL).

I know that drinking lots of water is a good thing. It fills up the tummy, hydrates the body, and provides exercise with those every-twenty-minutes trips to the restroom. (I jog on the way - LOL)

So away I go with the H2O - LOL!


Please pardon my early morning rant, Blogger is all better now (had to slap it around a bit - LOL)

I realize this is a free service. I also realize that it provided by the uber-mega-gazillionaires who own Google. This is not some Mom and Pop operation, financed by selling empty aluminum cans to the recycler. LOL

And we’re not talking about first year DeVry students either. These guys have money coming out their sweat glands and enough technical knowledge to map the entire friggin’ earth.

So can’t you boys make sure that Blogger works properly?

{{Clears throat}} Rant over. LOL

UPDATE - Rant NOT over. You hornswagglin’, no count, dirty dog, mud-suckin’ varmit! Worked for me FIVE MINUTES AGO! But now you ERROR me again!?! Why I oughta twist your scrawny little cyberneck into origami! You’ve done riled me up good this time! (Quick, does anyone know how many calories a good rant burns up? 'Cause I can go on...LOL)

This is hideously frustrating though.....


On to new business. You are getting sleepy...v-e-r-y sleepy.

You want to buy puzzles...l-o-t-s of jigsaw puzzles ROTF

(Hey, I gotta pay for Christmas - at least I’m not begging outright...OK, I am begging outright ~snort~)

No pressure, (please please please please please LOL) but I do have some lovely puzzles at E-Bay.

More arriving daily LOL! You can see them by checking out the little thumbnail pictures in the sidebar.

My Visa bill and I sincerely appreciate it! LOL

To make up for the begging...errr...request (LOL) I will leave you with an auction joke:

The Stradivarius and Rembrandt

A man bought at an auction, for what he thought a reasonable price, both a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt. He was very happy with them, since the price he paid was so low, for objects made by such famous people. He decided to go to an appraiser and have them officially valued. The appraiser said: "Well sir, indeed you have a Stradivarius and a Rembrandt, but it's a pity that Stradivarius couldn't paint and Rembrandt couldn't build violins."

Blogger Blues

Argh. I am trying to update the template here, since this is January 3, it seems a bit hung over to have a banner proclaiming "Happy New Year!" Well, things AIN'T so happy here, as I am getting an error message (which is right up there with spam on the "Fun Things To Get On My Blog" list). I do not speak geek. I do not know what "001 java.io.IOException: " is, or what it means, other than it is 5 AM and having it smack me awake is less than pleasant. So I will see if it will accept THIS post. *************** A wiesguy, huh? New error message = 001 java.io.IOException: No space left on deviceblog I don't know what that means either. Are you just making fun of my ignorance? I'm going for coffee now. I'm not looking Blogger, so if you need to put something back, or fix a mistake you are ashamed to admit, do it now. I won't tell.

Monday, January 02, 2006


So here it is. 2006. Thank you to all the commenters, who came back by. It was great to see you again. Door’s always open, pop in anytime. Happy Birthday to "Enter the Laughter". ETL: {{Blog looks back at me, bleary-eyed, after a weekend of hearty partying}} "Not so loud. I’m mad at you. You didn’t talk to me every day. You didn’t give me much to wear - three or four different skins in an entire YEAR? And that first one - geez everybody in the blogosphere was wearing THAT!" {{Sniffles haughtily. . . shivers at the memory of Blogger Scribe theme. . .coughs up some old feed}} Me: Sorry, I didn’t know how to do any of that when I started. ETL: "I expect more out of you this year, ya hear me? Nothing lame either! I want fun! I want entertainment! Go read some of those blogs that won awards! Did I win any awards? Was I even NOMINATED? NO! And it’s your fault!" {{Spits a sidebar link at me}} "You’ve got to work it girl!" {{Shakes banner booty at me}} Me: OK! I get it! You want more writing. You want more regular updates. You want more links. ETL: "Golden links baby!" {{Preens, polishes RSS.}} Me: I’ll try to do better. ETL: {{Imitates voice of Jedi Master Yoda}} "Try? There is no try! DO!" Me: But I don’t live a real exciting life, every day isn’t filled with adventure. ETL: "Sex it up! Sex sells - tell them about the time you -" Me: {{Muffles ETL}} No! ETL: {{Shakes loose}} "Well then, talk politics, or technology! They eat that stuff up!" Me: Sigh. It’s just not me. After all, you’re not called Enter the SexZone, Or Enter the Beltway, and I don’t understand enough about technology. I just write funny stuff. ETL: "Ok! Ok! There’s enough doom and gloom out there. Make ‘em laugh" {{Starts imitating Donald O’Connor, singing and dancing}}:
Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat Just slip on a banana peel The world is at your feet Make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh Make 'em laugh
Me: {{Giggle}} ETL: "Aw, geez! How am I ever going to make the Webbies, or the BoBs, or get mentioned in The Blog Herald, if all you can do is giggle?" Me: Well, I did thank all of those nice people who commented. Did you see how many of them came back by? ETL: {{Pouting subsides}} "Yeah, that was sweet. {{Spits bytes into its cyber hand, extends it to shake}} "Deal?" Me: Deal.