Friday, January 06, 2006

THINGS I'VE LEARNED

Today is Eldest Son's birthday. Happy Birthday sweatie! (His fiancée’s nickname for him, after they laughed together upon seeing a misspelled graffiti proclaiming, "I love you sweatheart" LOL) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. Things I've learned from my children: 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20-ft. room. 5. You should not throw baseballs up in the air when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies. 10. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

13 Comments:

Blogger FTS said...

Legos? Ouch...

1/06/2006 01:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Chickadee said...

Oh man...birth control indeed. LOL.

1/06/2006 05:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

Happy Birthday to your eldest son!

I can so relate to some of those...

1/06/2006 08:39:00 PM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

That was great, no hilariously great!
I loved your warnings before the list.
...Good job.

1/06/2006 09:36:00 PM  
Anonymous giuli said...

lol@"birth control"

how did you find out about #4? in fact all 10? I hope you didn't have to learn all these in practice.

1/07/2006 01:04:00 AM  
Blogger IdentityMIA said...

LOL! Write a book? It'd be a top seller for new/expectant parents.

1/07/2006 01:34:00 AM  
Blogger Uisce said...

My kids are 14, 11, 8, and I hope I'm past this but it was still hilarious anyway! #5 I think I need to try myself! :)

1/07/2006 06:36:00 AM  
Blogger Rocky said...

Very funny list. How did you think of all of the examples? Personal experiences?!

1/07/2006 10:00:00 AM  
Blogger Marti said...

Welcome all!

No, this is not an original piece of writing. Someone sent it to me a long time ago and I thought it was funny so I saved it. I'm glad it gave everyone a giggle!

Thank you so much for stopping by!

1/07/2006 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger Chas Ravndal said...

hehehe thats quite funny

1/07/2006 01:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

14, 11 & 8? You're just getting started! lol It seems that teenaged boys are just fasinated with fire and destroying things and, of course, have not one thought in their heads about bringing harm to themselves. I hope you have good medical insurance.

Happy late birthday to Eric - the newly intended.

Kel

1/07/2006 03:10:00 PM  
Blogger Penelope Marzec said...

I could add a few interesting tidbits to your list--even though I have daughters, but I won't. :^)

1/08/2006 01:05:00 PM  
Blogger cube said...

LOL! Your house sounds like mine!

BTW don't you mean sweetie instead of sweatie? Then again, I don't know your son ;-)

1/09/2006 11:02:00 AM  

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