The Un-Martha

I am not Martha Stewart, and I couldn't be happier. Been seein' a lot about her on TV again, I guess she is going to be hosting her own reality show soon. We were both born with the same first name, and double X chromosomes, but the similarities end there. Many women turn to Martha Stewart as the epitome of perfection and stylish living.

(This quote is directly from the food network bio)

When America wants to learn how to make the perfect pie crust, plant an herb garden or fix a broken windowpane, it turns to Martha Stewart

But geez, she always manages to make people feel bad about themselves in comparison.

I make them feel better. Women look to me and say, "Oh hallelujah, there is someone here who": *Isn't a size six *Has unruly children *Is licking her fingers to smooth her hair down *Uses Vaseline for lip gloss Ms. Stewart's home was Nutley, N.J. Mine is more like Nuthouse. We lose things, break things, (including bones), get cranky, get even, and love each other fiercely. Continuing with the Food Network description:

Inspiration surrounded Martha at an early age. Raised in Nutley, N.J., in a family with six children. Martha developed her passion for stylish living, cooking, gardening and homekeeping in her childhood home on Elm Place.

My childhood was......ummm......less inspirational. My parents weren't bad people; they didn't beat me or anything like that. But we come from hillbilly stock in the Mazoorah Ozarks. Stylish living was getting running water. (Honest......the house I lived in as a child had a PUMP in the kitchen, and an outhouse. It was horrible in the winter, because I would always wait until the last minute to go out there in the cold, and if it was slick, I would run, fall, and......well, the trip would be a moot point. (Hey I was only four)

She got married during her sophomore year, and upon graduating became a successful stockbroker on Wall Street, where she gained her early business training.

Around our parts, "stock" meant the cows. Cows are cool though. I used to ride a cow like a horse and thought it was the neatest thing in the universe. (Hey I was only four)

Her unique visual presentation of food and the elegant recipes she created for her catered events were the basis for her first book.

"Elegant recipes" for us meant pigs in a blanket. Unique visual presentation meant putting a toothpick in them.

Martha Stewart was named one of the "50 Most Powerful Women" by Fortune magazine in October 1998.

Somewhere along the way, I think we may have had a family member on the 50 Most Wanted List......LOL!