Friday, August 26, 2005

The Un-Martha

I am not Martha Stewart, and I couldn't be happier. Been seein' a lot about her on TV again, I guess she is going to be hosting her own reality show soon. We were both born with the same first name, and double X chromosomes, but the similarities end there. Many women turn to Martha Stewart as the epitome of perfection and stylish living.
(This quote is directly from the food network bio)
When America wants to learn how to make the perfect pie crust, plant an herb garden or fix a broken windowpane, it turns to Martha Stewart
But geez, she always manages to make people feel bad about themselves in comparison.

I make them feel better. Women look to me and say, "Oh hallelujah, there is someone here who": *Isn't a size six *Has unruly children *Is licking her fingers to smooth her hair down *Uses Vaseline for lip gloss Ms. Stewart's home was Nutley, N.J. Mine is more like Nuthouse. We lose things, break things, (including bones), get cranky, get even, and love each other fiercely. Continuing with the Food Network description:
Inspiration surrounded Martha at an early age. Raised in Nutley, N.J., in a family with six children. Martha developed her passion for stylish living, cooking, gardening and homekeeping in her childhood home on Elm Place.
My childhood was......ummm......less inspirational. My parents weren't bad people; they didn't beat me or anything like that. But we come from hillbilly stock in the Mazoorah Ozarks. Stylish living was getting running water. (Honest......the house I lived in as a child had a PUMP in the kitchen, and an outhouse. It was horrible in the winter, because I would always wait until the last minute to go out there in the cold, and if it was slick, I would run, fall, and......well, the trip would be a moot point. (Hey I was only four)
She got married during her sophomore year, and upon graduating became a successful stockbroker on Wall Street, where she gained her early business training.
Around our parts, "stock" meant the cows. Cows are cool though. I used to ride a cow like a horse and thought it was the neatest thing in the universe. (Hey I was only four)
Her unique visual presentation of food and the elegant recipes she created for her catered events were the basis for her first book.
"Elegant recipes" for us meant pigs in a blanket. Unique visual presentation meant putting a toothpick in them.

Martha Stewart was named one of the "50 Most Powerful Women" by Fortune magazine in October 1998.

Somewhere along the way, I think we may have had a family member on the 50 Most Wanted List......LOL!

23 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/26/2005 07:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/26/2005 07:08:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/26/2005 07:10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8/26/2005 07:15:00 PM  
Blogger Marti said...

Ack! Hisses and makes sign of the cross with her forearms...

no that's Wonder Woman...

anyway...ack - comment spammers! Hiss! Hiss!

Don't waste your time HERE boys, I'm dumping you as soon as I spot you.

Do you fools really think this is going to help your business?

IT WON'T.

(Secretly suspects they must be making up for some sort of deficiency......

If you leave comment spam here, I am going to assume you are small-minded and small-.....so why don't you little weenies go get in touch with the enlargement e-mail spammers?)


Sigh......I am turning on the word verification to try to cut this out, but if you slip through the net, don't get comfortable, 'casue I'm kickin' you to the curb soon as I see ya.

8/26/2005 07:25:00 PM  
Blogger Perky said...

--> Her unique visual presentation of food and the elegant recipes she created for her catered
events were the basis for her first book.
"Elegant recipes" for us meant pigs in a blanket. Unique visual presentation meant putting a toothpick in them.<--

I thought that was real funny. It made me laugh so hard. Lol!

p/s: i'm no spammer. honest! But I'd sell you a box of toothpicks for 20 cents, and the minted ones for 25 cents ;) j/k.

Cheers.

8/27/2005 07:05:00 AM  
Blogger Marti said...

LOL Perky! Glad I could make you laugh!

Thanks for stopping by!

8/27/2005 07:31:00 AM  
Anonymous Colleen said...

I wish I grew up on a farm! That sounds like my kind of living. Who wants to be stuffy and perfect like Martha Stewart? BOOORING!!!

Great Post.

8/27/2005 08:06:00 AM  
Blogger buffi said...

I'd pick you over Martha any day, girl! She scares me.

8/27/2005 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Marti said...

Hi Colleen and Buffi!

Thanks for stopping by, glad I could give you a chuckle!

(Martha Stewart IS kinda scary and stuffy - LOL)

8/27/2005 12:34:00 PM  
Blogger Phil Dillon, Prairie Apologist said...

Marti

My wife grew up in a little town in southern Missouri (Spruce). She's smarter than Martha Stewart (Masters in Business) and makes a better pie crust.

Thanks for your kind comments on my post this morning.

Good writers tend to gravitate toward good writers, don't they?

8/27/2005 01:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Martha Stewart is one of those 'White Picket Fence' people that I have absolutely NOTHING in comon with, can't carry on a 2 minute conversation with if my life depended on it and don't trust a far as I could throw them.

Kel

8/27/2005 03:17:00 PM  
Blogger Willie T. said...

So first off, I have nothing in common with Martha Stewart. I'm a man, I couldn't care less about cooking, gardening or any of that crap. Marti on the other hand...well I'm 22, almost 23, and I'd ride a cow to school and think I was host shit...enought said. Marti wins.

P.S. I'm a closet blog spammer. HATE ME!

8/27/2005 06:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Theresa said...

I do not like Martha Stewart at all. She's great at one thing - making me feel inadequate.

8/28/2005 09:45:00 AM  
Blogger Lesser_Lumpkin said...

lol, Sounds like a comparison between loretta lynn and martha stewart. You dont call the old homestead the holler do you Marti? yeah personaly I'm no fan of Martha S. either but being a guy she doesn't make me feel inadaquite either. I grew up in a town besieged by dairy farms. We had more cows then people but I'm a city kid at heart.

Thanks for stopping by my site. Glad you enjoyed it. And thank you much for adding me to the Roll.

The Lumpy

8/29/2005 07:44:00 AM  
Blogger Laina said...

That first paragraph about pie crust and herb gardens...that's why I have a mom and a grandma. I don't need no Martha Stewart!

I'm a born and bred hillbilly too, and Martha Stewart bugs the sh*t outta me. Blech.

8/29/2005 10:33:00 AM  
Blogger David said...

I activated "Word Verification" to prevent comment spam last week on my blogs. So far I have been spam free ever since!

What has your experience been?

8/29/2005 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger zazzafooky said...

Martha's crap is so bland, boring, lifeless and utterly unoriginal. GAK!!!!!!!!! She's completely void in all of her styles and I've never understood her following!

The toothpick thing CRACKED ME UP!!! Excellent :-)

8/29/2005 03:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Last Girl On Earth said...

The only thing I have in common with Martha is that I like to wear anklet bracelets... Oh that's right, she doesn't LIKE her anklet!

8/30/2005 09:11:00 AM  
Blogger dddragon said...

Doesn't the whole world know that Martha Stewart has a staff out of sight behind the cameras? I wonder how she'd do if she was left on a deserted island.

Hey --- what a great idea!

8/30/2005 02:59:00 PM  
Blogger Marti said...

Thank you ALL for stopping by!
I really appreciate it - I love reading real comments.

Yes, turning on the word verification system seems to have eliminated the problem - hooray!

Not many Martha Stewart fans out there, are there? LOL!

8/30/2005 06:32:00 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

So, I take it you wouldn't be able to sub for Martha in a pinch.
I think I like you better!

8/31/2005 05:31:00 PM  
Blogger GrandPooOfAwesome said...

I like both Marthas. I'm actually looking forward to the new Apprentice.

I think you're much funnier though. :)

9/04/2005 03:04:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home