The Week Before Christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the place, There was garland to hang, dust bunnies to chase. The greetings were stamped, addressed with great care, In hopes that the mail carrier soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of vid-yo games danced in their heads; I am in my sweatsuit, with presents to wrap, Tape’s stuck to my fingers, I wish I could nap. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the couch to see what’s the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a cat who’s in heat, and four suitors, sincere. With a hiss and a squall, she darted away, Leaving all of the boy cats, to start a big fray. More rapid than eagles the male cats, they came, And I whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now Furball! Now Havoc! Now Shadow and Koes! Y’all better scatter, or I’ll get the hose!" "To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!" As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly, When met with an obstacle, mount to the sky; So up to the house-top the felines they climbed, With hearts full of lust, my intrusion ill-timed. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, The howling and scratching, occasional woof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, I smiled, ‘cause in springtime, kittens will abound. They’ll be dressed all in fur, darting, dashing about, They’ll knock over dishes, I’ll try not to shout. A bundle of joy they will bring to our house And we’ll never worry ‘bout having a mouse. But work! Oh my, there is still so much to do! I’m beginning to wonder if I will get through. I still need more ribbon, this gift has no bow, But the roads are all slick, from the slush and the snow. Regardless of weather, Christmas will arrive So I will go brave it, with my front-wheel drive. I’ll slip and I’ll slide as I go down the street, Still so many tasks I have yet to complete. There’s cooking and cleaning and shopping to do, And I’m sure to break something, so don’t forget glue. I’ll spring to my sleigh, I’ll drive like a missile, And away I will fly like the down of a thistle. But you’ll heard me exclaim, as I skid out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night." Christmas