COLD COMFORT

Busy week ahead, need to put up storm windows and handle other winter preparations, so I leave you for a few days with these chilly chuckles.

===An annotated Thermometer by Don Haugen === +60 F (+15 C) Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe!). +50 F (+10 C) Miami residents turn on the heat. +40 F (+5 C) You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming. +35 F (+2 C) Italian cars don't start. +32 F (0 C) Water freezes. +30 F (-1 C) You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on t-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars don't start. +25 F (-4 C) Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming. +20 F (-7 C) You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacations further south. +15 F (-10 C) French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you. +10 F (-12 C) Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going. +5 F (-15 C) You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start. +0 F (-18 C) Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to skate. -10 F (-23 C). German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink. -15 F (-26 C) You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist. -20 F (-30 C) Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start. -25 F (-32 C) Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -30 F (-34 C) You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start. -40 F (-40 C) Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip south. -50 F (-46 C) Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window. -80 F (-62 C) Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south. -90 F (-68 C) Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.