WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

BILL O' REILLY: That friggin' chicken is a *#@&* liar! HOWARD STERN: Let's see your breasts. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish itslife long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX: It was a historic inevitability. CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken? THE BIBLE: And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken did cross the road, and there was much rejoicing. COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Yes, well, Bill Gates forgot to mention how the e-chiken will crash every couple of days, frequently resulting in the dreaded "blue egg of death."
8/14/2005 02:49:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Hahahaha, very funny!!!
I love Martha Stewart's answer!!
8/14/2005 04:57:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Thanks for the comment on my blog . As you can tell it's not well traveled and I don't keep it up to date very well. Yours is great! I will add it to my blog list, since you have a great one and I need a list. :)
8/14/2005 09:27:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Holy Spam Batman! Who did you piss off?
8/14/2005 09:44:00 PM
Marti said…
Yeah, no kidding!

I went to their sites to see if I could spam back - none had a comments section LOL

Deleted all.

SPAMMERS, Don't bother, I am not going to click on your ads, and I WILL delete your comments.
8/15/2005 07:46:00 AM
Anonymous said…
Ha! Ernest Hemingway cracked me up.
8/15/2005 02:49:00 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trench Warfare In Our Driveway

We have a gravel driveway that is a thousand feet long and ten miles deep. It is paved with gravel. That is until the Great Rock Eating Phantom that lives underground wants a midnight snack. We'll get a new load of rock spread on it, and soon, the gravel is disappearing into the ground. Irregularly of course, so that the lovely white, smooth surface becomes lumpy and pitted. We've been feeding the GREP for 20 years now, and there is no indication of his appetite diminishing. The first few years, we thought, "Well, sooner or later the gravel will have been shoved into the earth completely to the bedrock, and THEN we won't have to dump so much on so often." It didn't happen sooner, we're still waiting for later. In between loads of gravel, dips and bumps appear. Husband related this story to me the other day, and it gave me a chuckle so I thought I'd share. Since we are out in the sticks, there is a plethora of wildlife out here. Deer roam fre
Read more

The Un-Martha

I am not Martha Stewart, and I couldn't be happier. Been seein' a lot about her on TV again, I guess she is going to be hosting her own reality show soon. We were both born with the same first name, and double X chromosomes, but the similarities end there. Many women turn to Martha Stewart as the epitome of perfection and stylish living. (This quote is directly from the food network bio) When America wants to learn how to make the perfect pie crust, plant an herb garden or fix a broken windowpane, it turns to Martha Stewart But geez, she always manages to make people feel bad about themselves in comparison. I make them feel better. Women look to me and say, "Oh hallelujah, there is someone here who": *Isn't a size six *Has unruly children *Is licking her fingers to smooth her hair down *Uses Vaseline for lip gloss Ms. Stewart's home was Nutley, N.J. Mine is more like Nuthouse. We lose things, break things, (including bones), get cranky, g
Read more

My Boobs are on File with the FBI

Here's a story from my hippie days that should brighten everyone's day. Somewhere deep in a storage room in Washington D.C. there may be a picture of my boobs. It was 1971 and the war in Vietnam was still going on.  College campuses across this great land had protest rallies to shout and demand that we get our troops out of there.  (Why don't we still do that?  But I digress.)   So I joined a large contingent of teenagers in a university courtyard to listen to folk singers and speakers filling our young, impressionable minds with anti-war sentiments.  Then the rumor spread. Someone said that there were men in suits on top of the nearby building taking photographs. Word swept through the crowd that they were FBI agents and you would end up with a "file"  <gasp!> if they could identify you. "Quick!  Cover your faces!"  shouted one of the speakers.  Some were carrying protest signs, so they shielded themselves with their placards.  A few gir
Read more