Saturday, December 10, 2005

Slittin’ on the Dock of E-Bay

I make a little money selling stuff at E-Bay, and most of the time it’s a lot of fun. Christmas can get a WEE bit crazy though, and I am about ready to slit my wrists. Just kidding. I do not want to speak unkindly of the buyers, because they are sweet people who send me money - LOL E-Bay itself, as a company, could make things just a little bit easier, though. Yo, Meg! (Margaret C. Whitman, CEO of Ebay Inc.) Have you ever tried to list anything yourself? Here, have a Prozac and we’ll run through it together. Let’s list this Christmas ornament. No, Meg, we’re not going to worry about political correctness and call it a Holiday Ornament. It’s a Santa Clause for Christ’s sake. No I’m not cursing at you; Christmas IS for Christ’s sake. Let’s have a shot of whiskey. OK, here’s the home page. What’s with this "it" thing? {{Meg shrugs}} Now we’ll go to "Sell". Oh, I see somebody else complained, ‘cause you’ve got a new version of the Sell Your Item Form. 'Bout friggin’ time, Meg. Allrighty. . .what's this? Take a survey? I don’t think so hon, we’ve got to move these refrigerators, gotta sell these color TV’s. Don’t look at me like that Meg, it’s a joke. I know we’re selling an ornament. Don’t you remember the rock video for "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits? {{I imitate Dire Straits, playing air guitar while singing, "Money for nothin' and your chicks for free"}} {{Meg reaches for the whiskey bottle.}} So, it says enter a word to describe your item. I’ll type in Christmas Ornament. Geez Meg, twenty categories? What if I don’t KNOW what year it was made? I got it at a garage sale for cryin’ out loud. Here’s one that says Santa; we’ll go with that. Add a picture...sure. Edit picture. Let’s see - ACK! Santa looks like a Ku Klux Klan member! Crimeny, Meg, that brightness setting is intense, huh? That’s not good. Undo, undo. Enter description. Now we’re gettin’ somewhere. I wrote it all up in Word, we’ll just paste it in. HEY! WTF, Meg? I had it all set up with different font sizes and colors, so it’d look festive. Now everything is the same size and color. I’m gonna have to use that gawd-awful interface to change it to the way I want. Here, we’ll click on change font color and go warm up a cinnamon roll, maybe it’ll be done by the time we get back. (Several minutes later) Oh look Meg! It finally changed it to what I told it to do in the first place. You’ve got crumbs on your blouse. Don’t blame me. Yes I’m sure it was expensive. Yes, real silk feels wonderful. I usually wear sweats, don’t rub it in. Let’s just get on with it, and set the price and shipping. Now we’ll preview it. Ah oh. It’s mangled, Meg. The description is all over the place. Some of it is centered, some isn’t. Put the bottle down and look. Why is it showing a gift icon? I didn’t click that...hey that costs an extra quarter! {{Removes gift icon, frowns severely at Meg, who is looking away while softly whistling a tune that sounds like, "I can’t imagine how that extra charge thingy got there, and damn you for noticing".)) I sigh. We’re almost done. What’s that? No, I don’t want to pay $20 to make it a featured item. It’s selling for a dollar, Meg. A dollar. We’re going to submit it now. Let’s do this Meg; let’s push the button together, and then we’ll have another drink. {{A mushroom cloud rises somewhere in the world, as Meg and I raise our glasses.}}


Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO....Ohhhh that is too funny. My husband has recently been bitten by the eBay bug. As a seller, I haven't heard too many complaints from him. As a buyer, now that's a different story...

12/10/2005 04:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed that. LOL. Nice post, and got the point across clearly.

12/11/2005 09:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Marti! LOL - as usually, your witty writing is cracking me up! That was very entertaining!

And in the immortal words of Dennis Leary 'Merry F'ing Christmas'! (these weren't the ACTUAL immortal of Dennis as I didn't want to offend your comment section guests) But, yeah, I've been saying that often under my breath lately when someone cuts in line at the store or slams on their brakes in front of me or my work associate asks me if I can work some 10 hour days the next couple of weeks. 'Tis the season!


12/11/2005 11:04:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've bought & sold a few things on EBay. The first time is always the trickiest.

12/11/2005 12:47:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post, Marti. :) Having sold a few things on Ebay, I can totally relate.

12/11/2005 12:48:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great post, Marti! I used to do a tiny bit of selling on Ebay. But for all of the reasons you just gave... I GAVE UP! It seemed like I was spending WAY too much time for very little return. More power to 'ya! (So what else are you selling?)

12/11/2005 11:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very funny EBay post, Marti. Glad your humor helps you through the frustration of it all. :-)

12/12/2005 03:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved this post! I've sold some things on E-Bay, and it can be a pain in the a**. It's better the more you do it, but still, I wouldn't complain if some things were made easier :-).

12/12/2005 10:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like Meg needs to smarten up...

12/13/2005 09:50:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Sorry for not responding sooner, been so danged busy with...well, you read it - LOL

I deeply appreciate everyone stopping by and taking time to comment.

I have a link to my E-Bay auctions in the sidebar, and the little pictures are links to auctions.

It's been a busy but exciting selling season. I thank all of you who've taken a peek at the goods, and love you dearly if you've actually purchased something - LOL

Merry Christmas to all!

12/15/2005 02:56:00 AM  

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