Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Black Friday Cyber Monday Tuckered Tuesday

Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? Ours was pretty good. Not perfect, ‘cause we’re not the Cleavers - LOL I ended up buying a fresh turkey, ‘cause I didn’t get to the grocery store in time for a frozen one to thaw. Thursday I started cooking and when Middle Son wandered through the kitchen he said, "I hope you got plenty of cranberry sauce." A little piece of me died. I had forgotten to buy any at all! He is the only one that eats it. I threw my hand over my mouth in horror and he had the saddest, most hurt look on his face. I admitted to forgetting, and told him that Walmart was open, and he could run up and get some. He stared at me as if I’d just said, "your puppy died". I apologized, washed my hands, went to the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. I felt like the worst mother in the universe. He came in and said it was OK, and I blubbered, "No iz snot". (No it’s not) He said he knew I’d been real busy. I was still crying and apologizing and blubbering about snot. He said he’d go get some. I mumbled, swallowed, sniffled "OK " and sniffled some more. He drove up and bought some. That was the low point of the day. Everything else turned out pretty good. That should make all the rest of you look like Martha Stewart/Mother Teresa/Superman. LOL Husband returned to work Friday, kids were both off. I got up at 3 AM to prepare for the Black Friday sales. Later in the day I heard news reports that retail sales nationally were off, but it sure wasn’t that way around here. I went to Target, Kohl’s and the Mall, and every one of them had parking lots that were COMPLETELY full. Cars were parked clear out to the street and the streets leading up to them had enormous traffic jams. And this was at 5 AM! The sales at those places didn’t even start until 6! Once I got inside, I saw people pushing shopping carts that were overflowing. I didn’t find all that much, but I did get a CD and matching T-shirt that was on Middle Son’s birthday list at a good price, plus Sam Goody had a free CD giveaway so they plopped a Mickey Mouse bonus CD in my bag. I mean a real Mickey Mouse one - "Disney Christmas favorites". I listed it on E-Bay - LOL Middle Son wanted a car CD player that could play the MP3 CD’s he records (an MP3 CD can hold a hundred songs!) I’d scoped them out at consumer report sites so I knew the Sony had the best price/feature ratio. Circuit City had it on sale, plus their Black Friday deal was free professional installation (supposedly a $65 value) So I ordered it online with option to pick it up at the store. When I got there and picked it up, I wanted to verify that the installation didn’t have to be done that day. Nobody knew. I spent an hour going round and round with customer service, auto electronics clerks and finally the boys in the shop-garage themselves, making them WRITE ME A NOTE LOL I said, "Look, the reason I bought this here, was because of the free installation. But his birthday is Sunday, so I can’t get it installed today. I want a guarantee that I can bring it in next week and not be charged!" I was still all worked up over the cranberry sauce incident and must have had a death ray look in my eyes, because those 20-something wussies in the garage caved and wrote me a friggin’ note, promising to install it at no charge! Saturday I prepared several E-Bay auctions and scheduled them to start on Sunday, since Husband’s brother and his wife had invited us to come over for "open house". Daughter had said she wanted her highlights retouched, but she didn’t like the frosting cap that pulls little bits of hair through, so I bought a "hairpainting" kit for her, and a box of goo for me to retouch my roots. Sunday morning we had a goo-a-thon and did our hair. LOL Sunday morning I got all the birthday stuff ready. Since he is all into the "goth" thing, I wanted to wrap his gifts in black. Well, nobody makes black wrapping paper. I was pacing back and forth in the gift wrap aisle, and I spotted a black plastic tablecloth. It was 54" X 108" so I figured that would be big enough. I got some holographic silver sparkle bows and ribbons, and some poinsettia plants to take over to the open house. Middle Son was very pleased with his gifts. Had chocolate cake. KC Chiefs won their football game. I’d gotten some little cheap toys (a super bounce ball, a slinky and a necklace with a rubber pendant that lights up and flashes when you squeeze it) and put them in a Santa bag for the three little kids in attendance at the open house. They were a big hit with the kids, less so with the worried homeowner chasing after the errant superball - LOL. Middle Son wore a Santa hat and gave them to the wide-eyed children. It was a pretty funny scene...him with his dyed-blue-black hair, all black clothes, pants covered with chains and studs, ankle-length Matrix trenchcoat - and the red Santa hat LOL Gave them their poinsettias, ate some turkey sandwiches, had a pleasant visit for a few hours and headed home. There were some pretty severe storms all around. Just north of us there were a couple of tornadoes, really freaky for this time of year. Yesterday was Cyber Monday and I did indeed do some online shopping. My lips are sealed though. Not that I’m good at keeping a secret, I just ate a peanut butter sandwich - LOL Also got the gift installation taken care of. Yes indeed, at no charge - LOL So today, I am tuckered out. I need a nap, but instead, I will be delivering the lad to McDonald’s, breaking the ice on the cats’ water bowl (very cold here and spitting snow) and sculpting another styrofoam cathouse. (Crowd scratches their collective heads and mumble questioningly LOL) That’s a tale for another time. Gotta warm up the car (with new CD player) and head into town. Happy Tuckered Tuesday to all!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


The turkey shot out of the oven, and rocketed into the air, it knocked every plate off the table, and partly demolished a chair. It ricocheted into a corner, and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room. It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there'd never been turkey before. It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn't a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control. I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped, that I'd never again stuff a turkey, with popcorn that hadn't been popped. Warm Thanksgiving Wishes to All!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Bonzai Bondini

I did a stupid thing. (Regular readers go "Duh" LOL) Naturally, I was in a hurry. It was time to drive Daughter to school. I’d gone outside, fed the cats, started the car so the heater and defroster could "get busy" and heat things up (ah young love LOL) I nearly froze my rose. It was r-e-a-l-l-y cold. I advised Daughter to bundle up, and I went in search of additional garments. I found a big fuzzy hoody that seemed perfect. I pulled it on over my head. Without taking my eyeglasses off. This was a stupid thing. **POP** Snap goes the earpiece. The hoody slipped over my body, taking the left earpiece with it. Daughter arrived in the room, tapping her foot and saying, "C’mon Mom." I mumble, "juzamin" because the hoody is now halfway off, and I am speaking through it, while searching the interior for the missing part. I find the piece but there is no time for repairs. I slip the one-armed wonder on my face, and it perches precariously, somewhat monocle-like. I could have ordered replacement eyeglass frames, but I am a big ol' cheapskate - LOL When I return home, I attempt repair. Without the aid of the vision-enhancing lens, this will be difficult, but don’t think I didn’t learn my lesson from the Great Glue Debacle of Aught 2, when similar circumstances ended badly with an earpiece glued to my hair. I assembled all of the materials on the computer desk in front of me. I did a dry test run to ascertain the correct placement (let’s not discuss the Upside Down Glue Repair Disaster of ’98). I pulled out my trusty Bondini. (Disclaimer: I am not an employee or paid endorsement spokesperson for this product)

Bondini is fabulous. It is the best super glue ever made. I love it. I should own stock. It will stick ANYTHING. It comes in a wonderful little bottle that delivers every single drop. None of those icky-sticky tubes that the cap sticks to but nothing else will, for this gal. I opened the container, double checked the placement, and placed the single, magnificent drop. Pressing the two parts together, I waited. There was a knock at the door. We don’t get many knockers. We are far out in the woods and even farther off the road through the woods. The only people who know we are here are mail carriers, tow truck drivers and die-hard Jehovah’s Witnesses. It was the die-hards. No, I really don’t want a copy of the Watch Tower, I am quite happy as a Satan worshipper. Could I interest YOU in this lovely gilded pentagram? Only $2.99 or two for $5...whaddya say? Where are you going? (That one always works LOL) I’d set the repair job down on the edge of the table to answer the door. Gravity, the tights-and-cape-wearing-superhero "Enforcer for the Laws of Nature," was having sport with me that morning, and had lightly bumped the earpiece, dislodging it from the repair position and into the trash can next to the desk. I retrieved the earpiece, which now had barnacle-like attachments of lint, hair and paper towels. I chip off the offending bits, (rather like chiseling granite) frustrated at the failure of my first attempt. I began again and in my haste, did a very foolish thing. I broke the first rule of Glue Club. We don’t leave the glue bottle uncapped. I’d made sure the materials were assembled, run the placement test, but failed the critical step of re-capping. After the magic drop was applied and the seal was formed, I again delicately placed the repair-in-progress back on the desk to dry, and smugly reached for my coffee cup, knocking over the uncapped bottle and creating a Keyboard Kamikaze Attack.

ACK! Danger, danger! Don’t spill the coffee! Don’t bump the repair! Grab the bottle and turn it upright! Replace the cap; don’t stick your fingers together! Turn the keyboard upside down to prevent a pandemic of stickage! NO! Don’t flip it over on your lap to drain - how will you explain preparing Thanksgiving dinner while having a keyboard glued to your thighs? It could have been worse. I ended up with a good repair (still holding - knock on wood), half a bottle of Bondini left, no coffee spilled, and only one key glued down (I don’t even know what "Pause/Break" does, so no big loss there LOL) In the Panoply of Accidents, this was minor. That is one of the many things I express gratitude this week for. I send all of you best wishes for a glorious week. May you share the joy of family and friends, and give thanks for all that you have. That’s my plan!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Turkey Time Trader

Thanksgiving is coming, and I get nostalgic, remembering my misspent youth. Ah, the stories. LOL I’ve had a love affair with narrative my entire life. I’ve been devouring the written word like a ravenous wolf ever since I was able to comprehend the combinations of letters that form them. I craved stringing them together into stories like most kids crave candy. I craved candy too, but I craved the words even more. This led me, as a savvy 5 year-old, to bribe my cousin into trading me a coloring book for a piece of candy. It was a circus peanut, which I despised anyway. Of course I pretended it was the greatest candy ever invented for the purpose of my ploy. Every holiday was a pilgrimage to Grandma’s, for all of her clan. My grandmother set all of us pre-schoolers in her bedroom with a bag of "goodies," to keep us out from underfoot. As soon as she was out of sight, the rougher youngsters would yank the bag away and take the prize pickin’s. By the time it got to me there was half of a blue crayon and a smashed orange circus peanut left in the sack. I pulled them out and surveyed the other youngsters, smugly chewing on Bazooka Joe and Bit-O-Honey, or thumbing through a coloring book. I wanted that book. I was not a good colorer. But it was a book. It was ripe to make up stories about. I could see the outline of a bird on the back, and already my mind was inventing great adventures for the feathered creature. I plotted. I held the circus peanut in my hand like a Fabergé egg, admiring it, cooing over its delectability. I thought I was brilliant, not having read any of Twain’s works. Sure enough, the coloring book owner took an interest in my interest, and tried to snatch it from me. I’d been bamboozled by that trick on Memorial Day, and jerked away, as protective of my treasure as a mother bear. Frustrated but wary, remembering the spanking that followed the Memorial Day theft, the cousin negotiated. "Wanna trade?" I must have been a Moroccan street vendor in a previous life, as I had an innate understanding of the art of the deal. I examined the circus peanut, then the stub of blue wax, appraising their value, and at last, agreed to the exchange. Coloring book in hand, I slipped quickly into the kitchen to sit under the table, watching the womenfolk’s feet scurry by, preparing for the big meal. I knew the instant the circus peanut was eaten, the value of the barter would be realized and my life would be in peril. But protected by the fortress of chromium kitchenette chair legs and scurrying female relatives, I felt secure. I opened the book delicately, and invented magnificent mental tales for every picture. I’ve been doing so ever since. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Still crazy-busy around here. We got our first snowfall yesterday, but none of it stayed. First hard freeze last night; wind chill this morning was 14 degrees Fahrenheit. {{SHIVER LOL}} I still have much to do to the house to seal out old man winter, but I missed all of you, so I had to pop in. I hope this finds all of you happy and well. I will try to get around to stopping by and visiting you sometime soon. Until then, peace be with you. Marti

Sunday, November 13, 2005


Busy week ahead, need to put up storm windows and handle other winter preparations, so I leave you for a few days with these chilly chuckles.

===An annotated Thermometer by Don Haugen === +60 F (+15 C) Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe!). +50 F (+10 C) Miami residents turn on the heat. +40 F (+5 C) You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans go swimming. +35 F (+2 C) Italian cars don't start. +32 F (0 C) Water freezes. +30 F (-1 C) You plan your vacation to Australia. Minnesotans put on t-shirts. Politicians begin to worry about the homeless. English cars don't start. +25 F (-4 C) Boston water freezes. Californians weep pitiably. Minnesotans eat ice cream. Canadians go swimming. +20 F (-7 C) You can hear your breath. Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City water freezes. Miami residents plan vacations further south. +15 F (-10 C) French cars don't start. You plan a vacation in Mexico. Your cat insists on sleeping in bed with you. +10 F (-12 C) Too cold to ski. You need jumper cables to get the car going. +5 F (-15 C) You plan your vacation in Houston. American cars don't start. +0 F (-18 C) Alaskans put on t-shirts. Too cold to skate. -10 F (-23 C). German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink. -15 F (-26 C) You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease to exist. -20 F (-30 C) Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start. -25 F (-32 C) Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -30 F (-34 C) You plan a two-week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start. -40 F (-40 C) Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button. Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip south. -50 F (-46 C) Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom window. -80 F (-62 C) Hell freezes over. Polar bears move south. -90 F (-68 C) Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Veterans Day Honoring All Who Served

November 11, is the anniversary of the Armistice which was signed in the Forest of Compiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918, ending World War I, after four years of conflict. At 5 A.M. on Monday, November 11, 1918 the Germans signed the Armistice, an order was issued for all firing to cease; so the hostilities of the First World War ended. This day began with the laying down of arms, blowing of whistles, impromptu parades, closing of places of business. All over the globe there were many demonstrations; no doubt the world has never before witnessed such rejoicing.In November of 1919, President Woodrow Wilson issued his Armistice Day proclamation. The last paragraph set the tone for future observances: To us in America, the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country's service and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of the nation. In 1927 Congress issued a resolution requesting President Calvin Coolidge to issue a proclamation calling upon officials to display the Flag of the United States on all government buildings on November 11, and inviting the people to observe the day in schools and churches...But it was not until 1938 that Congress passed a bill that each November 11 "shall be dedicated to the cause of world peace and ...hereafter celebrated and known as Armistice Day." That same year President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill making the day a legal holiday in the District of Columbia. For sixteen years the United States formally observed Armistice Day, with impressive ceremonies at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, where the Chief Executive or his representative placed a wreath. In many other communities, the American Legion was in charge of the observance, which included parades and religious services. At 11 A.M. all traffic stopped, in tribute to the dead, then volleys were fired and taps sounded. After World War II, there were many new veterans who had little or no association with World War I. The word, "armistice," means simply a truce; therefore as years passed, the significance of the name of this holiday changed. Leaders of Veterans' groups decided to try to correct this and make November 11 the time to honor all who had fought in various American wars, not just in World War I. In Emporia, Kansas, on November 11, 1953, instead of an Armistice Day program, there was a Veterans' Day observance. Ed Rees, of Emporia, was so impressed that he introduced a bill into the House to change the name to Veterans' Day. After this passed, Mr. Rees wrote to all state governors and asked for their approval and cooperation in observing the changed holiday. The name was changed to Veterans' Day by Act of Congress on May 24, 1954. In October of that year, President Eisenhower called on all citizens to observe the day by remembering the sacrifices of all those who fought so gallantly, and through rededication to the task of promoting an enduring peace. The President referred to the change of name to Veterans' Day in honor of the servicemen of all America's wars. In 1968, new legislation changed the national commemoration of Veterans Day to the fourth Monday in October. It soon became apparent, however, that November 11 was a date of historic significance to many Americans. Therefore, in 1978 Congress returned the observance to its traditional date. Excerpts from All About American Holidays by Mayme R. Krythe. Courtesy of Patriotism.org

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

No More Sprinkles

A while back (forgive me, but time has become kind of a relative term, since I’ve been spendin’ time with my relatives LOL) Middle Son stood in my bedroom door around midnight. I was asleep. He whispered, “Mom,” which had me on my feet faster than Superman gets into his cape. His father of course, snored soundly, because. . . well y’all know. So up I am, and facing a cat. Well, a boy/man holding a cat. At least I hoped it was a cat, as the room was dark and I could only make out the faint outline of the boy/man holding something with two golden eyes.

I told myself it was a cat, as it was unlikely he was holding a demon from hell and still whispering for his mommy. But ya never know. I stumble into the living room and flip on a light, and sure enough, he is holding a solid black cat. I’ve learned not to ask too many questions when one I gave birth to awakens me at midnight. . . better to go with the flow and see what the youngen wants. Boy/man is in all-black goth regalia, so even with lights turned on, the cat is still pretty much just a purring pair of golden eyes. He says, “My friend is moving and needs somebody to take care of Sprinkles for a few days, can we keep her here?” Wise beyond his years, he thrust the purring, golden-eyed bundle into my arms, knowing full well that I am not going to say, “No! Begone ye beast! I care not for thy welfare!” ('Cause I speak Elizabethan for no apparent reason sometimes, doncha know) I say, “Awwww,” and he knows I’m hooked. So Sprinkles became a guest in our home for what turned into several weeks. Although we already have several cats, they reside outdoors except during severe weather, living the good life of chasing blowing leaves, lounging in the sunshine and general feline rollicking. But Sprinkles is an indoor kitty, so she became an in-house guest, to the absolute horror of the outside kitties who spied her through the glass storm door, and no doubt held a meeting to decide on appropriate action. Fortunately these meetings usually devolve as soon as one of them spots a puffy dandelion to attack.

But now, Sprinkles is gone. Friend is settled, and has taken the cat back. No longer do we trip over her on our way to the bathroom. No longer does she paw at my fingers as I try to type. No longer does she give my beloved mother-in-law (who is allergic) sneezing fits when I come calling, carrying with me, a smattering of Sprinkles. I have been visiting them more frequently due to their recent bouts with illness and infirmity, hence “relative time”. I’ve washed all the clothes, vacuumed up the hair, and put away the litter box. Then I wrote this reminiscence with a long, slow, sigh. Fare thee well, oh ebony one.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Who’s Your Barney?

We had a STUNNINGLY gorgeous fall day yesterday! The sky was lapis blue, the trees were blazing red and gold and the eavesdropping was easy - LOL Yes, I admit it. Hi, My name is Marti, and I'm. . .an eavesdropper. I can’t remember exactly when it started. I was young. I’ve always had extraordinary hearing ability, which has enabled my dastardly habit. So much for confessions. That's my story and I'm sticking to it - LOL! Because the temperature was in the 70’s, I drove with my car window down, letting my senses revel in the glory: autumn-scented wind whipping through my hair, sunshine warming my arms, and all manner of conversations going on around me. (It’s really amazing what people say and do in their automobiles, becoming oblivious to the outside world as they yabber on cell phones and pick their noses - LOL) I was stopped at a red light beside a nondescript sedan with a half-lowered side window. A peal of laughter range out, causing me to glance in their direction. The acoustic guffaw was followed by a woman’s voice proclaiming loudly, "I KNOW! OH! Did I tell you that I saw this really interesting thing about Barney..." The light changed to green, they were gone, and I was left with an overwhelming desire to know, "Barney who"? I arrived at McDonalds to pick up Middle Son from French Fry duty, and sat in the parking lot muddling the question. How many Barneys could there be? I started trying to think of Barneys (Because what better way is there to pass the time in a McDonald’s parking lot than to think of every Barney you can? LOL) See how many you can think of, then check your list against my Barney timeline:

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I am Screamstress' Site of the Week!

Oh my goodness! And badness! LOL! I’ve been outted......errr......featured (LOL) at b5media network! I am grateful, flattered and honored! The incredibly entertaining writer Rhys, who pens her wonderful wickedness over at "The Screamstress" (blogging about horror movies) has named my blog as, "Site of the Week"! Go see all of her gory goodness - LOL!

Halloween Late Entries

Couple of late entries: My friend Sandra
Sheriff Kitty
You can read Theresa's "a-mazing" tale of their Halloween adventure here.
Happy November first!